For many of us, our relationships are the cornerstones of our lives. Our loved ones, our tribe is what adds life to our existence; walking with us through thick and thin. Yet there are many of us who do not have the wealth of even a few close friends. We spend most of our time longing for someone who can just listen to us, understand us or even help us with what we may be missing in our life. Whether you have someone or not, it is a bitter truth that most of the individuals today feel lonely at one point or another. There is also a greater section of people who feel that the people in their life do not value them enough or do not make them feel loved.
Why do people come into relationships?
To experience companionship, have someone to share the little things of life with?
Or fulfil their own incompletions or needs which have not been met before?
To explore and understand their own selves from the eyes of another or get to know what they want from life?
Well many of our clients have quoted either one or more of these reasons, but often it is the case that whatever is missing in us is exactly what we seek in our partners. That is the main reason why opposites attract.
A - “Why can’t you understand!”
B - “Why can’t you tell me?”
After stepping into a relationship, many of us struggle to understand what the other person wants from us. Their expectations, their needs. Many of us also do not know how to be with a partner. When or how to make them feel seen or heard. Then there are some of us who can give the other person what they want, but not ask for anything ourselves. We find it difficult to create comfort for ourselves in this relationship, without feeling guilty about it.
Not knowing how or when to communicate in a relationship, overtime, two individuals in such a situation only drift apart from one another, harbouring hurt and distortions inside, only to break down and burst out at each other when they cannot deal with it all anymore.
When couples in relationship counselling share about themselves, many a times their partners discover things which they never knew were being felt in the relationship, even after so many months or years of togetherness.
At times, not knowing the expectations of our partners or even not communicating our own needs and just expecting the other person to understand can result in incompatibility : be it related to intimacy or future goals or even finances.
Indeed, besides communication and intimacy, the third most common reason why relationships breakdown is the issue of money. Either partner feels unsupported when the other does not step up or does not align with our financial goals. Your partner could be earning a lot, but does not like it when you spend their money, even though you have supported them in their career. Or despite your support, your partner does not take charge of their finances at all and expects you to fill in for them. And while no situation or person is right or wrong, what lacks is commonality. No mutual goal is agreed upon, spending patterns are sporadic and more often than not, one ends up controlling the other for money. In return this partner controls you for intimacy and the cycle goes on.
You could also be someone who is about to or looking to get into a committed relationship but are yet to fully understand what is it that you want and what kind of partner would be best for you.
For all these and many more reasons, pre-marital and post-marital relationship compatibility counselling becomes a saviour to bridge all those gaps which we do not know how to bridge on our own. If two individuals are committed to each other and to being with each other, there is no issue under the sun which cannot be solved through a neutral facilitation. Because until you know what’s actually going wrong, you are not in a position to change it. As long as you are one of the jigsaw pieces, you are stuck with your own incompletions which will not allow you to see the bigger picture. Whereas someone who is not in your situation and can have a bird’s eye view of your life, understand how and where each piece needs to fit and hence can neutrally help you communicate and bridge the gap in your relationship through your own healing journey.
At Antarmann Holistic Studio by Happiness SOULutions, you can avail a free 30 minute consultation to understand how you can also bridge the gap or begin a fresh in a functional and mutually fulfilling relationship or become aware of your needs and wants in a relationship and your ideal partner based on these needs. Reach out to us in the comments section below or message us on +91 888 146 2000 to speak to our experts.
Onwards and Upwards
Team Happiness SOULutions